I hope you gave your marketing team a bonus for this one.

I aspire to gather up all these devices and hurl them into the sun, but that’s cruel to the sun. (Seriously, this is gross.)

The Fat and the Furious: 2 Fat 2 Furious

Man, remember when I used to write mostly funny, entertaining things? Those were good times.

Laura Bassi: she was a goddamn boss.

Felix: he never aged, until suddenly he did, and then he was gone. So now there are no more dogs in my house.

I suppose we have to add Oklahoma to the list of states that need to be burned right down to the ground. Sorry, sane people of Oklahoma.

“It appears you and that boy had a severe breakdown in communication, which led to your being sexually assaulted.” Jesus…