Fatty McChubberson, Stuck in My Craw!

Just in case you read that last post and thought, “Well, that’s was a terrible story, but luckily most folks don’t think being fat is the most awful thing a person could possibly be,” please allow me to introduce you to the AspireAssist.

Continue reading

I hope you gave your marketing team a bonus for this one.

Aside
Effed-Up Shit, Fatty McChubberson

The Fat and the Furious: 2 Fat 2 Furious

Here’s a thing that happened once.

I was walking down Union Square West in New York City with my husband. It must have been June, because it was the kind of warm weather where you could meander around reveling at the heat on your shoulders without being accosted by the humid garbage funk of Late Summer in the City. We had just done something normal-weekend fun — a movie? A book shopping spree? An afternoon in the park? — and were on our way to dinner, standing at a light and waiting to cross 14th.

Continue reading

Standard
Goings-On, It's 3AM; I must be lonely.

I wonder what her equivalent of Twitter harassment was; bricks through the window?*

I was just in Bologna, Italy, where, between eating platters of the best cured pork products Euros can buy and eating more gelato than is probably wise, I visited the Teatro Anatomico, where 17th century medical students and 17th century non-student creepers would gather to observe human dissections. While reading the informational literature, I learned about Laura Bassi. Have you heard of her? Neither had I.

Continue reading

Standard
An Open Letter, To Hell In a Handbasket, You've Built a Crawl Space Under Your All-Time Low

Here, Dear Abby, I fleshed out the unfinished paragraph in that column for you.

“It appears you and that boy had a severe breakdown in communication, which led to your being sexually assaulted.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Abby. Whoopsie! Looks like a line got left out, Abby. I’m sure what you meant to say was:

Continue reading

Standard