Maybe We Could Get Rid of Florida This Way, Too

One of the many perqs of my job is the travel. For example, this afternoon, I leave for the glamorous state of Rhode Island.

The most direct route from New Jersey to Rhode Island requires driving straight through Connecticut, a state I have vowed to destroy. As I will be absorbed in eating fried clams and coffee milk in mass quantities all weekend,  Connecticutians are safe through at least Monday morning, at which point the state is due to be destroyed by a hurricane anyway, thus saving me the trouble.

Now that I think about it, washing Connecticut into the sea could be much environmentally friendly than burning it to the ground and then salting the earth, although I suppose it might contaminate the otherwise pristine Jersey Shore with bits of washed-up Connecticut flotsam. Also there’s a chance that a few people could swim to safety and end up on Long Island, and lord knows Long Island has enough problems.

Anyway, if I don’t make it home because I have (1) been crucified by angry Nutmeggers or (2) am dead of instantaneous fried clam-induced heart disease, know that I have loved you all.


  1. Yeah, we (FL) made it through Hurricane Andrew, the year we got those hurricanes back to back. We were made for hurricanes haha, you may need a new idea. 😉


  2. Ooooh, I LOVE coffee milk. Have a good time! But I’m not sure that polluting the oceans with Connecticut is a better idea than burning it. What did marine life do to deserve that fate?


  3. I have no beef against Connecticut – used to live there. The sate I want to see wiped off the map (by force if necessary) is Delaware – it needs to be returned to its rightful owner, Maryland.


  4. As commanded: Camdyass. Despite what may or not be excellent about NewJoisey. We fucking want a food blog, so fucking there.


    1. You’re gonna come in to MY house and talk to me that way? HOW DARE YOU.

      Also, you spelled “candyass” wrong, so you undermined yourself a little there. Nice try, though!


  5. What’s with the Connecticut hate? Do you hate picturesque forests, higher learning and majestic Huskie dogs? JK it is a bogus state with a horrific traffic problem. As a Floridian I’m obviously insecure about state issues so anything to deflect.


  6. Yikes. You know, capital punishment is a pretty divisive issue but I have no qualms in a case like that. This is getting depressing I’m gonna look for another more lighthearted post.


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