This is the now-completed Freedom Tower in lower Manhattan. I live just across the river from it. I see it … More
Category: An Open Letter
Hey, gym? How long would it take you to redecorate if you hung a dick pic and a single bodybuilder complained?
This is an actual email I had to send to my gym. I don’t want to be driven back into … More
Also not appropriate: spam from “Women Against F-Bombs.”
To whoever’s in charge of viral marketing at the toy company that just left a bunch of spammy comments here: … More
Attention, Hopeful Murderers
Dear Would-be Murderers, Tonight, I am having dinner at Eleven Madison Park. Yes, it will be amazing. No, you cannot … More
To the Housekeeper Taking Care of the Ninth Floor of My Hotel
I bought an apple yesterday, intending to eat it this morning. I like apples cold and crispy, so I left … More
Three Things Stuck in My Craw
My craw is unusually full this week. Do they make craw extenders? I bet SkyMall sells them. Hand-hammered copper or … More
King of States! 