Attention, Hopeful Murderers

Dear Would-be Murderers,

Tonight, I am having dinner at Eleven Madison Park.

Yes, it will be amazing. No, you cannot come.

I don’t want to die tonight, but it I have to, I think dying in my sleep after a meal at Eleven Madison Park would not be a bad way to go.

Thus, if you could guarantee a quick, painless death, tonight would be your best bet for murdering me. Warning: we do have a dog, who can sound a little threatening. However, once he realizes you are a human person, he will instantly become your best friend and will show you where we keep the sharpest kitchen knives.

(Note: this offer not applicable to killer robots from the future.)


Woman Who is a Little Too Excited About Going to Eleven Madison Park


      1. Certainly you don’t have to worry about robbery being the motive of your demise, since you will have spent significantly large amounts of your life savings on dinner. Enjoy your meal. If you survive the night, please regale us with another post detailing what you had to eat and drink. If not, please rest in peace.


  1. For g*sh sake, don’t use the wrong fork, when wielding it during murderous attack, I mean. And enjoy your din-din. They wouldn’t let my ilk come in further than the hat-check, sounds like.


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