It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Holy crap, it’s Columbus Day again already! It really snuck up on me and forced me into sexual slavery this year.

It’s already late in the day, so I barely have time to infect all these blankets with smallpox, pack them into my saddlebags, ride my bike until I hit a roadblock, and then set up shop handing them out — to say nothing of finishing up the website for my campaign to change the name of wherever I do end up to California.

“Greetings, Californians!” I will say when I de-bike.

“But this is Paramus, New Jersey*,” they will reply. 

Aren’t they quaint? They don’t even know!

Man, I love the holidays.

PS; Read this, then make all your friends read it, too.

*I assume I’ll make it about that far before I need to stop for a snack, am lured into an IKEA, or both.


  1. It IS difficult to understand how this is still a thing. I’m just glad is hasn’t morphed into another marketing ploy with decorations and pies and “let’s everybody feel the joy” bullshit concluded with data linked to everyone’s financial health.
    I guess it’s sort of a warm-up holiday; like the first frost before the blizzard.
    Nice perspective.


  2. Your blog is hilarious. So effortlessly hilarious. It’s refreshing to read a blogger who writes for herself as well as her audience. You don’t compromise your views or settle. I like that.


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