I ran into a drug store earlier today to procure some flesh-colored* adhesive bandages, new passport photos, and a bottle of Arnold Palmer. While walking down the Halloween candy aisle, I saw the newest offering from Snickers, the “Slice and Share Snickers.” It costs $12 and weighs a full pound.
Next to it was the world’s largest Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, also weighing in at a full pound. I note with interest that the Reese’s packaging did not indicate that the megacup was to be sliced and shared. Thus, I can only assume it is meant to be consumed by one person in a single sitting, probably while sitting in a dark room and crying.
They might want to list that serving suggestion on the wrapper, to make sure purchasers understand that it is NOT APPROPRIATE to eat a one-pound peanut butter cup (1) in public or (2) without hating yourself.
For Christ’s sake, candy people: yes, we all have free will, but YOU ARE NOT HELPING.
*Ha.
King of States! 
I can’t go to Duane Reade during Halloween season without descending into a spiral of shame and longing.
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I think the Minute Clinic provides a single dose antibiotic that heads off the shame spiral, but you have to walk past the jumbo-sized bags of Jujyfruits to get there.
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They’re so mean.
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That Reese’s cup sounds like an excellent replacement for a pie at Thanksgiving.
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Maybe I could stack two of them up with frosting, like a giant diabetes layer cake.
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“Thus, I can only assume it is meant to be consumed by one person in a single sitting, probably while sitting in a dark room and crying.” — Hey, quit knocking my habits.
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I would eat the hell out of that Reese’s cup. Why have I been limiting myself to 11.40 ounces of peanut butter M&Ms for so long when this thing exists?
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