Fox News’s Eric Bolling recently declared that there is no such thing as a coincidence, and since the statement was broadcast on network television, I have no choice but to believe it.
In light of that, I want to talk about something troubling that happened to me today: I was in the bathroom finishing up a particularly traumatic Wheaties-induced shit, when I saw that there was no more toilet paper on the roll.
This is obviously a result of big government’s intrusion into my private life/bathroom by President Barack “Five-Year Plan” Obama’s communist administration.
It’s one thing to raise my taxes or kill my grandmother via death panel, but to literally chap my ass? YOU HAVE CROSSED A LINE, SIR.
Thank god I have Fox News so I know when to be legitimately pissed about something my government is doing.
King of States! 
thanks for the nose douche. who knew that box wine would taste so different after being washed through one’s nasal cavity.
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yeah, it’s way better, isn’t it? you’re welcome!
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This makes me laugh since my hubby left me just enough to write some poetry on….which I left for him to find!
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