Mitt Romney: Comes out dressed as a Navy Seal to demonstrate solidarity with the troops.
Barack Obama: Comes out wearing a t-shirt that says “I KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN. AND YOU?” Stands silently at the podium and points to shirt whenever asked a question.
Moderator: A seeing-eye dog, or perhaps a gaggle of toddlers on a cake frosting high.
Audience: Given rotten fruit and Hanukkah gelt to throw at candidates when they wish to signal dis/agreement.