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King of States!

King of States!

  • twitting
  • gramming
  • snapping
  • mail me, maybe

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Three Ways to Use My New Favorite Slang Phrase, Lockdown Day 59

When quarantine fully ends, we’re all gonna go batshit crazy and eat FULL CANS OF SOUP.

No YOU spent too much time thinking about soup, Yes you can get two whole blog posts out of one shitty NTY article

Three Depressing Phrases That Did Not Originate With Me, Lockdown Day 58

Sigh.

Come for the irritation and craw-stickage, Stay for the penguin videos

Three Irritants, Lockdown Day 45

I mean, obviously, I have far more than three. But no one has that kind of time, not even during a global quarantine.

I am literally reduced to writing about the weather, Long live the personal essay, Please send help

Three Questions, Lockdown Day 39

Breakfast this morning was a tub of iced coffee and an inappropriate quantity of Nutella eaten out of the jar with a spoon, how are y’all doing.

overactive radiator or sore throat?, panic attack or shortness of breath?, these games suck

Three Thoughts, Lockdown Day 37

Kenny Rogers knew it: you gotta know when to fold ’em. Listen to Kenny Rogers.

#dingdong, #heknowswhentowalkaway, #knowswhentorun, covid-19

When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, That’s-a Smallpox

Put on your finest caftan and let’s pop some bubbly.

Columbus Day, Meet Me on the Lanai

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Wot’s all this then?

I’m a professional writer, editor, napper, and dog-snorgler. I like short walks on the beach, long walks in the city, and a cold cherry-lime rickey.

Once I wrote this food blog, and people seemed to like it, and then I worked here and here. Now I’m working on this new thing.

I don't want to say that something darkly but ironically tragic will happen to you if you don't follow me, but it might. I just want to be realistic.

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