I was recently looking at a map of northern Scotland, was endlessly amused to see that a goodly number of northern Scottish towns have names that could also be nicknames for 1930s gangsters on the lower rungs of the gangster hierarchy and/or young men at a very WASPy prep school in the mid 1980s. To wit:
And of course, the incredibly excellent:
- John o’ Groats
On another part of the map, not pictured, are “Laid” and “Tongue,” which are the nicknames you get after either you scrape the dregs of the gangster barrel, or the prep school boys sneak a bottle of peppermint schnapps into the lounge.
As someone who originates in the town with what is, quite literally, the most boring name in the entire world (“Old Bridge”)*, I am in awe what I assume is a magical land of quirky men and molls with wonderful brogues, who are wearing spats at all times and routinely accuse one another of pinching the hooch***. You don’t want to cross Slickly and John o’ Groats! We all remember what happened to Scrabster.
The world is a wonderful place, and I thought you all should know.
*In our defense, the local state park was named “Cheesequake,” AKA The Best Kind of Quake; does that mitigate anything?**
**If you’re going to leave a comment telling me that actually, for Scotland, these are all really mundane names, please let me have the fantasy for another day or two.
***Or whatever the Scottish equivalent of “pinching the hooch” is. If you know, please tell us; I bet it’s magnificent.