My Analysis of the Golden Globe Awards

  1. I would like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to host my life.
  2. Lena Dunham: writing, producing, directing, and acting powerhouse who still feels like she needs to wear torturous shoes that completely hobble her. The work of feminism, she is never done.
  3. Jodie Foster, shut your traphole. Were you perhaps unaware that there was some privacy compromise involved when you decided to continue pursuing your career as a big giant movie star post-childhood? Are you simply choosing to ignore the actors who manage to have both fulfilling careers and relatively private home lives? Did you stop to think that we still live in a time of widespread discrimination, hatred, and violence, and that perhaps coming out publicly would have been a huge boost to millions of young people and would be worth whatever privacy trade-off might be involved? And why are you still BFFs with Mel Gibson? In any case, thank you for chastising all of us. By the way, we all knew already. Have a nice life.
  4. Kristin Wiig needs to eat a meatball sub.

15 Comments

  1. I’m surprised you were able to even ascertain that much from Foster’s speech. It was incoherent rambling, some odd bragging, and then some ironic demand for privacy during the acceptance of a lifetime achievement award on national television. Side note: I can’t believe they actually included “Contact” in her accomplishment reel…

    Also, I thought Kristin Wiig looked crazy good. I would prefer that she give the meatball sub to Anne Hathaway, who would probably overact while eating it.

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  2. Excellent analysis Michelle!

    Tina and Amy rocked. I’ve only seen “Girls” once (would rather invest the funds for HBO into theater tix), so I cannot judge it. I did see “Tiny Furniture” and was not impressed, but Lena wrote an excellent piece that was published in The New Yorker last summer, and that did impress me very much. No wonder she scored a $3 million book deal.

    As for Jodie … WTF was that? It just came across like an incoherent ramble to me. It wasn’t clear to me if she had come out or had retired, did both or neither. Now the mainstream press is praising her all out of proportion. They’re such a bunch of lunkheads they probably think she’s also a talented director. This kinda in/kinda out approach while hiding behind the cloak of privacy to justify this strikes me as half-assed and ridiculous. No one’s expecting her to be Ellen. A person can be friends with anyone they want, but Mel Gibson does give me the willies.

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    1. I’ve never actually seen “Girls,” I just couldn’t get past the incongruity of awarding this woman for her brave work and watching her pitch around the auditorium on heels.

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  3. With the awards show combined with watching the season premier of Girls last night I was thinking much the same about Lena Dunham – that girl is incredible!

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  4. Jodie Foster’s rant was endless and painful to watch. It was as if she ate a jar of Ritalin before going on stage. Why did she take a stand to sit with Mel, but not take a stand and “come out” already.
    She could have said, “Okay guys, just so you know, I’m gay. There I said it. Now talk among yourselves…”

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  5. 1. YES. Oh, god, YES.

    I also adore “Girls” but your remark about Lena is hilariously dead on.

    I missed the Jodie Foster speech so can’t really comment on it but there’s a theory that Mel is the biological father of her children…of course I don’t know if that’s true or not.

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  6. I think you have erred in your estimation / analysis of Jodie Foster.

    Likewise for many of your commenters.

    She seemed to be saying something deep and meaningful, something outside the literal explicity of her words. Instead of having her shut that trap-hole, I encourage you to learn more.

    Oh well. Maybe the Comfort Dogs provided you at your next hotel will have understood these things already and bear the burden of understanding for you, so you won’t have to:
    https://kingofstates.com/2013/01/10/an-open-letter-to-the-westin-copley-place-boston

    quoth Jodie Foster on dogs:

    “Well, I may never be up on this stage again, on any stage for that matter. Change, you gotta love it.

    “I will continue to tell stories, to move people by being moved: the greatest job in the world. It’s just that from now on, I may be holding a different talking stick. And maybe it won’t be as sparkly, maybe it won’t open on 3,000 screens, maybe it will be so quiet and delicate that only dogs can hear it whistle. But it will be my writing on the wall. Jodie Foster was here, I still am, and I want to be seen, to be understood deeply and to be not so very lonely. Thank you, all of you, for the company. Here’s to the next 50 years.”

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