An Adequate Festivus to You and Yours!

Here is a selection of my grievances. I encourage you all to leave a comment with one or more grievances, so that we may all pile on those who have wronged you, internet-style.

Doctor who laughed at me when I suggested my back pain might be a sign of something more serious than a muscle spasm and ejected me from the ER, having done no tests, with some prescription Aleve: you are a crappy doctor. I have herniated discs. Fuck you.

People in my neighborhood who think that it’s not necessary to pick up their dog’s poop when it’s rainy: the gentle rain will not wash away your Great Dane’s shit. It’s disgusting. Fuck you.

People who extorted thousands of dollars from us while buying our condo:

(a) I’m secretly a teeny bit glad that it ended up being decimated by Hurricane Sandy a month after you moved in.

(b) I hate you even more for forcing me to having that totally uncharitable, assholish thought.

Fuck you.

Person who invented Fireball cinnamon-flavored whiskey: It is far too easy to shoot, and I cannot deal with a hangover the way I could 10 years ago. Fuck you. (Honorable mention: the person who introduced me to Fireball. You know who you are.)

People who “poke” their friends on Facebook: OH MY GOD, EVERYBODY HATES YOU. Stop it. Also, fuck you.

I feel better! You?


  1. The Facebook pokes! I hate those, too! I don’t know what I”m supposed to do, but it looks stupid and then I feel guilty because I had too much self-respect to do something stupid and my friend probably hates me. Fuck the poke! (That sounds almost dirty, doesn’t it?)


  2. I’m with you on the dog poop grievance! Ugh! One of mine is those people who directly block the path of those trying to exit the elevator! Fuck you! Move or I’ll help you down the stairs! Oh and Merry Christmas!


  3. To the couple who post on each other’s Facebook wall, “Pssst….you’re awesome.”
    Fuck you
    To the abusive felon that lives next door. What will it take for you to realize your dog is too busy barking to be taking a shit at 3:30 in the morning?!


  4. Fuck you to the last minute shopper that almost ran me over today. To add, fuck those stupid reindeer antlers that were growing out of the car’s back windows. You should have saved the money you spent on those antlers, and payed for the priority shipping through Amazon…

    …I can wait until Christmas is finally over in February.


  5. To the ONE GIRL that refuses to conform to how we do things in our group (and not in a cool way) I don’t want anymore text asking “is there a meeting this week?” or “It would have been nice to get something other than an e-mail telling us the meeting site changed!” Everyone else made it…on time…without having to text, message, e-mail, send a letter….to me. What’s your problem? Screw You!!


  6. I was going to watch “Bad Santa” again to get my dose of bah humbug, but I’m glad I stopped over here. Hilarious stuff! Seriously. I like this tradition. I’d never heard of it before.

    Let’s see… To the Facebook developers who thought it would be a dandy idea to get all personal and start greeting me by my first name. And to your stupid “enhancements” that make privacy settings a big joke. And to your constant changes. To you, FB, the biggest waste of time ever.


  7. Hey FedEx, FUCK YOU! You leave a package of electronic equipment on the top step (there are only 2 steps) of our deck, in a torrential downpour. Not only is this NOT the door we use to enter our home, you could have walked 2 feet and put the package under the cover of our wrap-around porch (and out of the rain) and knocked on our sliding glass door to alert us you had left said package. We were home and would have even answered your knock and taken the package from you! Idiot FedEx driver!


  8. To my local constable neighbor and his wife that let their dogs out at all hours to bark continuously the ENTIRE time they are outside, never yelling at them, never bringing them back in, nothing, and getting away with this because he is a local cop…whereas the rest of us get threatened with fines from the dog warden for this behavior!


  9. Fuck you, rich fucks, who suggest I just “pay someone a couple hundred dollars” to do whatever task I say I am going to spend my weekend doing. Fuck your asses sideways.

    Fuck you, crazy paralegal at work whose mood swings are transmitted by her makeup or lack thereof, and who cannot fathom why she is not the most important person in our office of 48 people Fuck your self-absorbed, warped self with a spork.


  10. To lady at the airport with her nose in her phone, oblivious to the world around, who forced a man in his wheel chair to stop so she didn’t walk right into him, causing the rest of us around the whole incident to bottleneck.

    To everyone who thinks they are the center of the world.


  11. To guys who wear their keys on the outside of their pants. Like the world isn’t noisy enough as it is. Fuck you. And to everyone who is too busy playing with their phones to watch where they’re going. Double fuck you. You are the the bee’s knees, Ms M.


Say it, don't spray it.

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