- Frequently overhead holding conversations with imaginary persons.
- Terrible impulse control.
- Has dissociative episodes where s/he thinks s/he is someone else.*
- Requires that all foods be smothered in ketchup.**
- Enters fugue states where no communication from others penetrates.***
- Rapid mood swings.
- Garbled speech.
- Irrational insistence on self-imposed rules that are inscrutable to others.****
- Limited understanding of cause-and-effect, spatial relations, and the concept of the “indoor voice.”
- Megalomania.
- Poops in pants.
Answer to all of the above: toddler. (See fig. A)
*For example, Grandma.
**Including but not limited to cucumbers and salami.
*** Particularly during a new episode of “Dr. McStuffins.”
****E.g., imaginary soup can only be consumed while seated.
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Fig. A:
Reminds me of the classic Toddler/Frat Party analogy: http://www.suburbansnapshots.com/2010/06/10-reasons-having-toddler-is-like-being.html?m=1
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Glad to meet you Michelle. This is hilarious! And I think I will love your blog!
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What’s most alarming is how normal it feels. Like a bad codependent relationship.
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