You guys, it’s SO HARD to clean brains out of textured upholstery.

My job requires that I read a great many blogs. Some of them are great. Some of them are awful. Some of them make me laugh. Some of them make me cry. Some of them put me to sleep.

Some of them are written by young women displaying truly stunning critical thinking skills that cause them to write things like this:

As for the women who get multiple abortions, I most certainly believe that they should be sterilized after the second one, no matter the reasoning for them. If we allow women to have an easy way out because they are too lazy to get a shot or take a pill, the senselessness will continue.*

My head exploded when I read this woman’s post—and not just because I had to correct her grammar before I was comfortable posting this excerpt—splattering gray matter all over my new sofa. I paid good money for that sofa and would rather not have to throw it out, although I suppose it’s my fault for being too lazy to cover it with a tarp before wading into the morass of the blogosphere.

Really, I’ve always been pretty lazy. I should never have been allowed to buy the sofa in the first place, and should probably be barred from buying sofas in the future.

This is why I can’t have nice things.

*No, I will not provide a link. This behavior should not be encouraged.


  1. I’ve said the same thing privately many times. But, to say it to the masses takes balls bigger than mine. Whoever posted it gets my support — send it to congress! #$%@ !!


  2. Wow. What else can one say? I taught writing at my state’s flagship university for years. Got SO damn tired of commenting endlessly on hopeless papers, I threatened to make a rubber stamp. It was the only and best advice I had to offer. “LEAVE SCHOOL!”


  3. OK, so I’m old and don’t always get to think in the lightning fast way I did in the past. You posted this satirically, right? Wrong? Damn, I’m pissed, because I usually always get satire. But this one is sneaky. If it IS satire, that is. Your first poster didn’t think so. Do I need to check myself into the nearest Alzheimer center?


  4. I may be jumping the gun with this comment, but in all fairness, the gun was asking for it. You get paid to read people’s blogs? That sounds dreamy, regardless of the quality of the blogs. Jon Stewart is from Jersey, so it can’t be that bad of a state.


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