RC Cola and Moon Pies

In the old days, like, 1992, tragedies like this were common: A woman sitting on a sofa at 12:30am is seized with a sudden and inexplicable desire to hear The Scorpions’ “Wind of Change.” She needs to be taken to the magic of the moment right now. It is lodged in her head, and the only antidote is to hear it. But as she is not otherwise a Scorpions fan, she does not own a cassette tape or CD of their 1990 “Crazy World” album.*

Her only option is to listen to the radio all night hoping to hear it sooner rather than later. If it’s sooner — which would not have been outside the realm of the probable in 1992, thank god for her — great! She can move on with her one wild and wonderful life, get some sleep, the future’s in the air, she can feel it everywhere. If it’s later? Or never? Woe betide her; she goes mad by morning, becoming a bedraggled woman in Crocs and an unraveling housecoat wandering up and down the block, demanding of passers-by:Where do the children of tomorrow dream their dreams?

Where indeed. How did she get so bedraggled between 12:30am and 10am the next morning, when Sam Goody opens and she could have gone to the mall to by a CD? Such is the violence of the earworm.

Anyway, now we have the internet and this doesn’t have to happen anymore.

What a time to be alive. Scorpions, enjoy the paltry royalties you just earned from a middle-aged women who listened to “Wind of Change” three times in a row.

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*Did I have to Google this to make sure my dates were going to line up, and for the name of the album? Mais oui.**

**Did I check to see if members of The Scorpions were still alive in my research? I did not.***

***Did I type “Scorptions” literally every time I wrote “Scorpions”? Sì.