A partial list of things your ungrateful friend might want.

As I was walking home from the gym this afternoon, a pair of women walking just ahead was having an animated, angry conversation. Quoth woman-on-the-left:

“I got her the fucking golf balls; I don’t know what else she wants.”

Which led me to wonder: what more does she want? Some ideas:

  • Matching tees.
  • A personalized set of golf clubs engraved with the phrase, “To thine own self be true.”
  • A basket full of kittens.
  • A nice seafood dinner at a casual but classy non-chain restaurant.
  • Fuzzy socks.
  • A billion dollars.
  • Some goddamn peace and quiet for once in her fucking life; is that so much to ask? Jeez.
  • What she needs.

Your turn: sound off! What else might this person want? If I encounter this woman on the sidewalk again — she was wearing a distinctive winter hat, so I’m confident that I’ll recognize as long as I see her before the spring — I’ll pass along the best suggestions, that this friendship may be mended.


  1. – Oversized novelty check presented by Ryan Seacrest, dollar amount to be determined.
    – Star Trek: The Next Generation DVD collection.
    – Peace in the Middle East.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Someone who understands her needs without her having to tell them… and if they’re easy on the eyes then even better


  3. Baseballs? Bowling balls? Beach balls? Exercise balls? Or maybe just marbles.

    Also, I just noticed the category and now I feel an urge to burst into song.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. -Maybe a little of appreciation.
    -Presence in the ground on the day of tournament.
    -Some more of trust.
    -Not the least, heart full of love…
    I guess its all, one needs, probably, needed by her too 🙂


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