Goings-On, New Jersey

Hey, so here’s a thing: I live in California now. San Francisco, to be exact. However, please note that New Jersey remains the King of States at this time, and at all future times. My presence or lack thereof does not diminish its fundamental majesty.

Do Not Panic; The Order of Succession Has Not Changed

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Preach it.

People liked me. Of course they liked me. I was giving them exactly what they wanted: a diluted version of myself. I did everything a woman should do to be liked: I apologized profusely for taking up space and trimmed myself back until I was a shell of a human being — an easy pill to swallow.

Good stuff, this. When I think about the hours I once spent with the guys watching porn because I was a “cool girl,” I want to put out mine own eyes with a spoon.

My brain is even bigger than my ass, and you should get used to both.

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Goings-On, Hellhounds

Now that we’ve signed a lease on our new San Francisco apartment (!!!), I can share with you this most ridiculous of documents, the dog résumé, which I felt like a dang fool writing but which also worked like gangbusters helping us land a great place. I’ll be launching my Bay Area pet résumé consultancy within the next few weeks.

He’s a motivated self-starter with impressive farting skills.

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Preach it.

Those who take safety for granted disparage safety because it is, like so many other rights, one that has always been inalienable to them. They wrongly assume we all enjoy such luxury and are blindly seeking something even more extravagant. They assume that we should simply accept hate without wanting something better. They cannot see that what we seek is sanctuary. We want to breathe.

The brilliant Roxane Gay, writing in the New York Times

The Seduction of Safety

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It's 3AM; I must be lonely., Stuck in My Craw!

#Not All Atlantic Writers (I Hope)

If you’ve been reading about the recent protests* at Yale University and found yourself thinking, “Why are these coddled Ivy League students getting their hyperliberal microaggression panties in a bunch over Halloween costumes?” I commend Connor Friedersdorf’s recent piece in the Atlantic, “The New Intolerance of Student Activism,” to you.

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Building teh Interwebz, Effed-Up Shit, Warning: Strident Feminism Ahead, You've Built a Crawl Space Under Your All-Time Low

I do not think “strong community management” means what you think it means.

(Or maybe it does, in which case: fuck “strong community management.”)

SxSW canceled a panel on overcoming harassment in gaming because of harassment and threats of violence, because: of course they did. Then, they said this by way of explanation:

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Building teh Interwebz, My Life Is So HAAARD

I am simultaneously so sad that my annual work meetup is over and I have to leave without getting to spend more time with my favorite people and without even having met some people who might have joined my Hall of Favorites*, and so excited to get back to my family, bed, and sea-level oxygen levels.

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Schrödinger’s Brain

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Effed-Up Shit

Goodness, tomorrow is Columbus Day? Usually I like to plan a really robust celebration, but unfortunately — or perhaps, appropriately — I’ll be traveling tomorrow. I was going to just fly from Newark to Chicago to Salt Lake City placidly, with my fellow knee-squishing, United Snack Box-eating Economy Class denizens, but in honor of the man and the holiday, I think I’ll just stay in Chicago, insist I am already in Salt Lake City, demand an unlimited supply of free cheesy popcorn from the Garrett’s stand in O’Hare, and cut off the ears of the staff there when they refuse. Just like Columbus! Huzzah, exploration.

Boy, time really files when you’re cutting off the hands of indigenous peoples who refuse to give you all their gold!

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