Effed-Up Shit, It's 3AM; I must be lonely.

Happy Columbus Day! If you’d like to celebrate with me, meet me tomorrow at the southeast corner of 21st Street and 5th Avenue, 10AM. We’ll pick a direction to walk in, enter the first store we come across, and take whatever the hell we want.

Discovery! So exhilarating.

If anyone tries to stop you, just shove ‘em out of the way.

It's 3AM; I must be lonely.

TERRIBLE IRONY: By the time you finish paying off your educational debt, you are too old to engage in drunken shenanigans on a weekend when you’re already exhausted from moving to a new apartment, and you settle for a nice dinner out at your favorite Jersey red sauce joint and a good milkshake. I mean, I like a milkshake as much as the next debt-free gal, but COME ON. Twenty-three-year-old me weeps.

Higher education: at what cost?

It’s like 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a fifth of gin.

An Open Letter, To Hell In a Handbasket, Warning: Strident Feminism Ahead

Forbes Errata

Dear Forbes,

There was an egregious typo in a column you recently published on your website. In the forward-thinking and insightful piece “Drunk Female Guests are the Greatest Threat to Fraternities,” you accidentally spelled “Entitled Sexist Frat Brothers” as “Drunk Female Guests.”

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Jesus H. Christ, Warning: Strident Feminism Ahead

In the absence of true consciousness-raising, I’ll settle for half an ounce of critical thinking skills.

There is an article in the Washington Post, published a few days ago, with the headline:

Women’s greatest threat isn’t misogyny, it’s counting calories. The modern feminist movement is losing because of our obsession with weight.

I have a qualm.

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To Hell In a Handbasket, You've Built a Crawl Space Under Your All-Time Low

I refer you to Fig. 1 in the appendix.

You know how some guy famous for being on a reality television because his family got rich off of duck callers made shitty comments about gay people, received some blowback for it from the network that airs the show, and then everyone got their Freedom Panties in a bunch because OMG FIRST AMENDMENT?! And how that doesn’t have half a good goddamn to do with the First Amendment?

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