I didn’t celebrate Columbus Day this year with my usual vigor because I have a sprained foot I’m trying to stay off of, and I’m all out of smallpox-covered blankets.
Also I totally forgot it’s Columbus Day, because why is that still a thing? I’ll tell you why: some Italian-Americans wanted a day to celebrate Italian heritage and figured Columbus was their best bet for getting a three-day weekend, so they lobbied for Columbus Day until the US caved, which couldn’t really have been that tough because everyone likes having a Monday off.
(Shockingly, the first state to officially recognize Columbus Day was Colorado, and not New Jersey! Then FDR made it a federal holiday after the Knights of Columbus got involved because let’s be honest, anyone would be intimidated by those hats.)
While I can’t support Columbus Day, I am 100% behind three-day weekends and eating zeppoli, so I’m still in favor of some kind of Italian-American celebration. This year, I’d like to suggest that we reframe the day to commemorate a less terrible Italian-American. Here are my suggestions; feel free to share yours in the comments:
- Cyndi Lauper (her mother is Italian!)
- Bruce Springsteen (so is his!)
- Serpico
- Stanley Tucci
- Rocky Balboa (circa Rocky IV)
- Jon Bon Jovi
- Dorothy Zbornak (née Petrillo)
(I know some of these are fictional characters, but I’m assuming that bad-assness is the controlling factor here.)
Just think of it: Dorothy Zbornak day! Everyone takes the afternoon off to sit on the lanai, eating cheesecake and making cutting quips.
That’s my kind of holiday.
King of States! 
I could get behind a Stanley Tucci day
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Official Stanley Tucci day greeting: “Gird your loins!”
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Haha! Perfect
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Does it have to be Italian? Could it be something like Immigration Day to celebrate American diversity?
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If there are still zeppoli, sure. We’d also need to check with the Knights of Columbus. They have swords, so I don’t want to cross ’em.
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There will be ALL the deserts from ALL the counties. We’ll deal with the KoC via their sweet tooth.
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I didn’t get the day off here in North Dakota, and to be honest, I really didn’t think much about Chris Columbus. I would be in favor of having the day off for National Cheesecake Day, however.
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Which is July 30, so let’s start planning for 2017.
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I totally understand. Columbus day was a working day for me!
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I love the idea of Rocky Balboa day (from Rocky IV). All of the men grow beards and then throw the turkeys outside after they’re cooked.
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i love italian food and culture so i guess i would love to be invited to your italian/american/colombus holiday, well maybe next year 🙂 hope you enjoyed it.
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I’d support a Don DeLillo Day.
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Frank Sinatra day. I can see a big parade down Washington St., Hoboken now.
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Dorothy Zbornak day would be fucking fabulous! And yes Serpico day would be even better!
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