Internet, we are missing an opportunity.

Michelle Weber,

Internet, I need your help making some new terminology go viral; it’s really the least you can do after you dropped the ball on the Freedom Narwhal.*

I think we should rename the Man Bun, because if I have to read a bunch of Buzzfeed lists and think-pieces about the male top knot, I would like it to have a more amusing name.

I present to you my recommendations, below. Since I want you to feel that you have some ownership in this process, it’s up to you to decide which of these we’ll throw our manly sandalwood-scented hair putty behind, or to recommend something yet more amusing. After that, take to the innertubes to spread the word; I want to see hashtags everywhere.

A.  Bronut Hole

B.  Man Nub

C.  Up-Dude

D.  Stud Muffin

E.  He-Hive

(To me, there is one obvious choice. You’re free to select any of them, or none, but if you don’t pick the right one I’m not sure we can still be friends.)

PS: For those co-workers who are reading this blog for the first time on the recommendation of others, I’m sorry you arrived here during a (sadly not) uncharacteristic drought of Deep Thoughts.

*Which I have NOT YET given up on.

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Say it, don't spray it.