- Frequently overhead holding conversations with imaginary persons.
- Terrible impulse control.
- Has dissociative episodes where s/he thinks s/he is someone else.*
- Requires that all foods be smothered in ketchup.**
- Enters fugue states where no communication from others penetrates.***
- Rapid mood swings.
- Garbled speech.
- Irrational insistence on self-imposed rules that are inscrutable to others.****
- Limited understanding of cause-and-effect, spatial relations, and the concept of the “indoor voice.”
- Poops in pants.
Answer to all of the above: toddler. (See fig. A)
*For example, Grandma.
**Including but not limited to cucumbers and salami.
*** Particularly during a new episode of “Dr. McStuffins.”
****E.g., imaginary soup can only be consumed while seated.