I’m sorry that you’ve been legally demoted from “person” to “incubator.” As always, New Jersey welcomes you.
Parts of southern New Jersey are barren wastelands similar to what I image North Dakota is like, so you should feel pretty comfortable here.
Category Archives: New Jersey
We Will Never Be Able To Look Posiedon In the Eye Again
The New York City marathon has been cancelled this weekend, which I’m sure is a terrible inconvenience for many runners, almost as bad as having no power or water or food, or having one’s house washed into the sea.
I know there are some who wanted the marathon to go on to declare the RESILIENCE OF THE CITY. Hear, hear, I say! By giving in, we have allowed the ocean to win. How will we declare to Neptune that He Is Not the Boss of Us? Let the runners traipse over New Yorkers’ shattered lives to prove a point to nature!
In other news, Cory Booker follows me on Twitter. I am, therefore, cooler than you.
And We’re Not Responsible for Mel Gibson, Either
Apparently, Australia has fire tornadoes. Swirling, 100-foot high vortices of fire.
You know where there’s never been a fire tornado? New Jersey.
Just saying.
Max Diner-to-Resident Ratio
I’ve been home for fewer than 12 hours, but have already been to a diner, consumed a tuna melt, and run into someone from my hometown while doing so. The only thing missing was a Coca-Cola Slurpee nightcap.
Raised By Well-Groomed Wolves
I get on a flight from California back to New Jersey about eight hours from now. As long as I don’t have to sit next to a woman who thinks giving herself a full pedicure is appropriate in-flight behavior this time, it should be fine. The dead foot skin cells you just sloughed off with a pumice stone should NOT be free to move about the cabin.
I already miss my fellow Automatticians, but the pull of New Jersey, she is strong.
