Goings-On, New Jersey

Maybe we don’t want to live in Amsterdam right now, but we’re still hankering for a change. I am therefore pleased to announce that we are opting to go FULL JERSEY, and as of July 1, you are all invited to our huge, awesome loft four blocks from the beach in Asbury Park whenever you would like to visit. Please note that “Born to Run” will be playing on a 24-hour loop, so be prepared for that.

We don’t do things by half-measures in the King of States.

New Jersey, Stuck in My Craw!, Warning: Strident Feminism Ahead

Erase Me

Last week, my lucky spouse got to take a trip to the local city clerk’s office — jackpot! — to obtain a certified copy of our marriage license because I could not, for the life of me, remember that I’d married him.

Kidding! Of course I remember. We actually needed it for a bet.

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Effed-Up Shit, New Jersey, To Hell In a Handbasket

It’s a little sting-y, and a little itchy, but mostly just dull and throbbing.

I just found out that Richie Sambora is no longer in Bon Jovi.

(I know, it happened several days ago. I’m not good at keeping up.)

I guess this it what it’s like to feel your childhood shrivel up and die.

If I find out that Little Steven had a fall-out with Bruce, I’m moving to Canada.

New Jersey, Superiority

Sorry for ruining your special day, other dads.

It’s sweet that people are tweeting and Facebooking and blogging and actually saying things aloud in real life about the quality of their fathers and/or husbands: namely, that said father and/or husband is the BEST FATHER EVER.

I feel a little guilty posting these photos, because exposure to them will likely shatter that reverie.

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My Uterus Will Cut You, New Jersey, Superiority

It’s not a good time to be a vagina-possessing person in North Dakota.

I’m sorry that you’ve been legally demoted from “person” to “incubator.” As always, New Jersey welcomes you.

Parts of southern New Jersey are barren wastelands similar to what I image North Dakota is like, so you should feel pretty comfortable here.