This is more like it. You’re finally getting it, internet.
ETA: Dammit:
Category Archives: I Am a Fucking Genius
This is why you should keep a small notebook by the bed.
Actual sentence I said during an impromptu 5AM conversation about hats:
“You’re really doing a lot of mental gymnastics to justify the idea of a single, enduring Mr. Peanut.”
You’re welcome, posterity!
Too soon?
Tweet that I posted during a brief interlude of cell service on Monday night, immediately regretted, attempted to delete unsuccessfully, and forced my spouse to waste his precious cellphone battery signing in to Twitter as me to delete because he still had some 4G:
“Hurricane in full swing. Hope we’ve remembered to lock all our black neighbors in Giants Stadium with no other plans to help. #BushStormTips”
I Was Talking About My iPhone Auxiliary Cable, You Pervs
Transcript of actual exchange had while driving to the grocery store, AKA, The World’s Best “That’s What She Said” Setup.
M: “Ugh! I couldn’t get it in the damn hole, and then the fucking seat belt is in the way anyway. I hate this fucking thing.”
B: “That’s what she said!”
M: < deep sigh >
B: “BOOM!”
fin.
