Dear Would-be Murderers,
Tonight, I am having dinner at Eleven Madison Park.
Yes, it will be amazing. No, you cannot come.
Of all the things you could choose to put in your mouth and savor… what horrible thing happened to you, such that you were driven to think, “Yes, candy corn! That’s what I want to eat!” Especially in a world in which gummi cola bottles exist. Whatever it was, it must have been really bad.
I really want to know. Please, someone explain candy corn, and help me sleep through the night once more.
Finishing Butters, brilliant! Because now the door is open for Starting Butters and Halfway Through Butters and all kinds of In-Progress Butters. Endless possibility! A Butter for every occasion Truly, Paula Deen is the marketing genius of our age. Or possibly our society’s fatal flaw. Personally, I’m looking forward to the Butter-Flavored Butter (Now with Extra Butter).
Forty acres and a stick of specialty butter: the American dream.
Perhaps you HAVE been to The Slanted Door and have eaten the clay pot chicken, and are saying to youself, “Ha! I have not wasted my life!”
Sadly, unless you have also been to A16 to have the burrata followed by the maccaronara with ragu napoletana and house-made ricotta salata, you’ve still wasted it.
But if you have not visited San Francisco and gone to The Slanted Door to eat clay pot chicken, you’ve wasted your life.
Sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Osteria Morini, Lafayette & Spring, New York City. It’s not in New Jersey, but we will take credit for anything within five miles of the border.
Gnocchi with beef cheek ragu, dried cherries, and olives:
Gramigna with pork sausage, peas, cream, and black pepper.
Not pictured: the buffalo mozzarella with figs; the pork chop with grilled quince and crispy pancetta; the rosemary-olive oil cake with blueberries; the coffee budino; and the extremely satisfying burp I just emitted.
I’ve been home for fewer than 12 hours, but have already been to a diner, consumed a tuna melt, and run into someone from my hometown while doing so. The only thing missing was a Coca-Cola Slurpee nightcap.