An Open Letter, Eats

Attention, Hopeful Murderers

Dear Would-be Murderers,

Tonight, I am having dinner at Eleven Madison Park.

Yes, it will be amazing. No, you cannot come.

I don’t want to die tonight, but it I have to, I think dying in my sleep after a meal at Eleven Madison Park would not be a bad way to go.

Thus, if you could guarantee a quick, painless death, tonight would be your best bet for murdering me. Warning: we do have a dog, who can sound a little threatening. However, once he realizes you are a human person, he will instantly become your best friend and will show you where we keep the sharpest kitchen knives.

(Note: this offer not applicable to killer robots from the future.)


Woman Who is a Little Too Excited About Going to Eleven Madison Park


11 thoughts on “Attention, Hopeful Murderers

  1. For g*sh sake, don’t use the wrong fork, when wielding it during murderous attack, I mean. And enjoy your din-din. They wouldn’t let my ilk come in further than the hat-check, sounds like.


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