I was in a North Carolina Rite-Aid yesterday, purchasing some products of a womanly nature. While walking down an aisle, I saw this.
Luckily, I wasn’t drinking anything at the time, or I would have done a spit-take all over the shelves and Rite-Aid probably would have made me buy the product. Although I suppose I could have brought it home and set it on fire to keep anyone else from using it.
I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out who this product is for, given that it’s easy enough to find out the sex of your prospective baby during an ultrasound a bit later in a pregnancy. I was able to come up with two options:
- You care so much about having a child who hews precisely to established gender norms that you need to find out the sex at the ten-week mark so you can begin preparing accordingly.
- You have a marked preference for a child of a particular sex, and are prepared to terminate a pregnancy that doesn’t meet that preference.
Either way, you are a terrible person and I want to kick your grandmother in the shins.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding the product; after all, it’s called “IntelliGender,” not “IntelliSex,” so perhaps the goal is just to let you know if you’re going to have a girly-boy. A pink line, and you’ll be having a child with a penis who also loves musical theater; a blue line, and your be-vagina’ed child will excel at wrestling and want to be a plumber. A transgender child, and the product automatically calls Planned Parenthood to schedule your abortion.
(That doesn’t actually make it any better, although that would be both a more impressive product and one with more accurate labeling.)
Merry goddamn Christmas.