My Uterus Will Cut You, Warning: Strident Feminism Ahead

We could all learn something from that rabbit.

The tenor of political debate in the US has reached a stunning nadir; if anyone’s wondering what happened to the tone, we shot it, set it on fire, baked the ashes into a cake, ate the cake, shat it out, and then shot and burned that.

Given that, I’d like to suggest that we drop all the pretense, and just say what we mean:

Women and men have different gifts, and are meant to play different roles in the world.

“Women scare me.”

These requirements protect the dignity of the unborn *and* women’s health.

“All abortions should be illegal, and the babykilling feminist establishment should come to Jesus. Jane, take those shoes off and get back in the kitchen.”

Marriage should be between a man and a woman.

“Two men having sex is gross and makes me uncomfortable.”

While I’m at it, I’d like to toss this one in for good measure:

This strip aerobics class is empowering! 

“I have internalized the patriarchy’s messages equating and limiting women’s power to “sexiness,” so I’ll take what I can get.”

Seriously, even four-year-olds are better at confronting the crux of their issues.

“Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.

“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least–at least I mean what I say–that’s the same thing, you know.”

“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. “You might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see”!”

To be clear: believe whatever the hell you want to believe, but when you try to politicize and universalize your values, we’ve got problems. And no, insisting on equality and access to reproductive care is not me politicizing my babykilling feminist values, it’s a simple recognition that women are autonomous human beings.
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8 thoughts on “We could all learn something from that rabbit.

  1. I can tell you female folk that you haven’t a clue what power you hold over men. Much of the legislative and other cultural gender-centric sorrows flow forth from this basic, mostly unacknowledged fact. Even those of you who trumpet your feminine Goddess wares are largely clueless as to how absolutely helpless the average man is (that is, all men) in your presence. The procreative impulse, speaking euphemistically, is like Kryptonite to men. I can tell by the tone of public feminist discourse that the depth of male sexual helplessness is not really understood by women. Apart from that, and only vaguely related, we need more women in government. Women are no less venal on balance, but they are markedly more empathetic, are more nuanced thinkers, and are more patient and deliberative (very generally speaking, of course). Lastly, women are clearer thinkers and not so beholden to coming, and won’t be distracted by the seeming autonomy of their pitiable heat-seeking weiners, excuse me. And I’m sorry, ladies; there are actual anthropological bases for gender-excellence, and we oughtn’t let the fleet-footed but leaden-in-thinking hunters take seats in buildings where laws are concocted and passed. That’s just….there’s no word for how f*****g stupid that is. That’s like giving a rutting Yeti a broadsword, an office, and a salary, and hoping for the best. While you gals are fretting over being called ‘gals’, being saddled by behavioral theorists with such onerous traits as ‘empathy’ and ‘emotional intelligence’, and kvetching about having doors held open for you, we idiot men are running government into the ground while screwing the interns. Women; please stop bitching and simply move the men out of gov’t. Get your shit together and start running for public office. Please? We have nearly dismantled the thing and there isn’t much time. Sorry for the blather.

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    • I love this comment. Most delightful rant I’ve read today. But still, *cough* Sarah Palin *cough*, let’s not get too carried away. I’ll try to raise my daughters to take office. Me, I believe I’ve done too much LSD to qualify.

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      • Yeah, Sarah would be one of several glaring exceptions. She’s so baldly, cinematically stupid I sometimes wonder if she’s a performance artist and we’re just not in on the joke. Good luck with your daughters. I have one, too, and she already has her bullshit detector dialed up to 11. Our girls rock, don’t they? Let’s all keep our eyes open and cut through the phony jitterbugging. Keep up the good work, pal.

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